That’s not my mummy… A parody of a favourite kids book

Everyone has a book in them – hell, I’ve got a library full (bestsellers, of course) and one day I’ll definitely do a J K Rowling. When Bouncing Boy’s not ordering me round like Mr Bossypants, he’s very supportive of my dream. He’s recently got into ‘tell-to stories’ – retold memories staring family and¬†friends, with him as the hero, naturally.

My mum was great at these stories when we were kids. Her adventures getting lost in a field of head-height bracken gave me my first taste of drama. Her tales of drinking lemonade out of an ice-cream cone were the ultimate comedy.
Thing is, it’s hard to get creative when you’ve got a brain like a soggy trifle. One day, when I actually get some sleep and more than 20 minutes to myself, I’ll dig out my long term memory and do some proper ‘tell-to stories’ but in the meantime a spot of plagiarism will have to do. Cue my take on Baby Girl’s absolute fave; the ‘That’s not my…’ Usborne series.
That’s not my mummy
Her eyes are too bright
That’s not my mummy
Her house is too tidy
That’s not my mummy
She’s finishing her cup of tea
That’s my mummy
She’s a glitter-phobic, knackered, food-splattered, nagging shell of her former self
(but she loves me madly)
Purrrrrr! Even the cat loves it.
Call me Julia Donaldson and show me the royalties, I’m on to a winner with this one. Baby Girl was chuffed to bits with her very own First Edition. ‘Perfect for tearing to shreds and whacking the cat Mummy.’
Mr Bossypants was less impressed on Baby Girl’s behalf. ‘Flaps. Where are the goddamn flaps, mummy? The textured patches?! Think of her sensory development!’
‘I know my rights. We. Demand. Flaps.’
If you recognise this post, I’ve resurrected it as an entry into The Mumsnet Bloggers Big Idea Linky. If you’ve got a book in you too, why not enter The Big Idea Competition¬†Don’t be shy – you’ve seen my efforts!

One thought

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge