Mummy. May we talk frankly? I think we can. Here’s the thing: you need to stop saying sorry.
Today you be like;
- Sorry I cut your toast into soldiers. (That’s what I asked her for.)
- Sorry we’ve run out of Cheerios. (It’s all I’ve eaten for a week)
- Sorry I need the loo. (I was putting the cat in it.)
- Sorry the cat scratched you. (See above.)
- Sorry Pom Bears are not breakfast food. (All the more for lunch and dinner.)
- Sorry you have to get dressed. (I’m naked. Except for my school bag.)
- Sorry the straps are so tight. (Plank. Carseat. Guilty as charged.)
- Sorry we’re late for school (Who knew I’d fancy a lie-in?)
- Sorry I have to work today. (Two words; birthday list.)
- Sorry we didn’t make the loo in time. (I’d rather crap myself than get off the swing.)
- Sorry the roundabout made you sick. (I have been warned.)
- Sorry we have to go home now. (I’m gurning with tiredness.)
- Sorry I can’t find your blue plate. (I frisbeed it next door.)
- Sorry you don’t like baked beans today. (Just messing with ya.)
- Sorry you have tummy ache. (Dog food? Fair dos.)
- Sorry, no pudding. You didn’t eat your tea. (You gave me like 100 warnings.)
- Sorry, no more Cbeebies. (Numberjacks was freaking me out.)
- Sorry I need a quick cuppa (You’ve boiled that kettle like 15 times now.)
- Sorry I can’t work out this Lego (I ate all the interesting pieces.)
- Sorry the play dough dried up. (I hid it in the oven)
- Sorry you didn’t win at Tag (Tag has a winner?)
- Sorry it’s bath time.
- Sorry it’s getting-out-of-the-bath time.
- Sorry it’s bedtime. (The baby sitter has been here an hour)
- Sorry. All. The. Time.
It’s not just me. You apologise to EVERYONE. The granny who trolley-barged you in the supermarket. The dude man-spreading on the kids train. And yesterday – a new low – when your mate came over for a playdate. ‘Sorry the house is a mess.’ You’d been tidying for hours!
If that’s not enough, now you want me to start apologising too. Doesn’t you get it? Apologising in the middle of a tickle fight is insulting. ‘Sorry, I can’t hear you,’ over a full-volume scream fest is derogatory. And that poo-head climbing up the slide? Totally asking for a shoe in the face.
Seriously mum, have a word with yourself. All this apologising is a bad influence on my sister. Every time you apologise, a small part of Baby Girl’s righteousness dies. Ask yourself; does Topsy ever say sorry to Tim? Does Lola ever ask Charlie for forgiveness? #GirlPower
Besides, how are we supposed to fight to the death if she shows remorse?
Oh, and while you at it. That thing when you end statements with question marks. Gotta go. #MixedMessages.
Sorry, (NOT SORRY) but something needs to be done.
The five-year-old. xx